Sunday, July 10
I hurt my foot
Stupidly. Very stupidly. I was sitting having lunch at the Duke of Edinburgh (makers of the famed "biggest fucking martini we can make" and my leg went to sleep without my noticing. As I got up to leave, I thought "Oh well, just walk it off." - walking it off appears to have included a few bone fractures here and there, and rather intense ongoing pain. In the absence of bandages, I've strapped it up with a roll of StrapAll, the self binding strap with the unimaginative name! It hurts like (reading) the dickens.
Tuesday, March 1
Angst!
So, apropos of nothing, I had a couple of things that really pissed me off on my recent trip. Please feel free to ignore this if you don't care (and heck knows, you have no reason to).
- on the plane out, I watched "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow" - it was the most awful, useless, pointless movie I've seen in a long time. Sure, the design was good and the kinda black and white but not film processing was clever, but nothing else worked. I wanted each and every one of the main characters to die. Whoever greenlighted this crap should be forced to watch four episodes of "Everybody Loves Raymond" back to back.
- so move to the "comedy" channel on the plane - guess what? Four episodes of "Everybody Loves Raymond", back to back. I've only ever flipped past this show in the, err, past and it looked like typical entry level sitcom stuff. It's not. It's awful. Every episode has one "joke" in it (much like a Shakespearean comedy) and a retinue of the same gags told time after time after time --- let me be clear here, everyone does -not- love Raymond.
- you don't get free booze on transatlantic flights anymore? Who fucked that gig up?
- on landing, I start down the A77 from Glasgow to Ayr. This used to be a simple dual carriageway affair that did have issues at rush hour and so on, but overall coped OK. It's about a 40 mile drive. Now, however, it's a 40 mile drive consisting of 60% "road renewal" works, with 40 MPH speed limits. Why? Well, road maintenance was outsourced, so now private companies are handling that task - at a "cost plus" ratio. So now most of the trip is single lane, 40 MPH, with police speed checks at each half mile because the way these "improvements" are being paid for is by over zealous speed ticketing. Oh, and why is it all 40 MPH? Because the labourors who knew what the fuck they were doing were let go, and the new Job Centre/Minimum Wage retards don't know that stepping in front of a moving vehicle is "not a good idea".
They estimate they'll be done with this in 2007. I'm done with them already. Did I point out that the local government bodies who used to carry out this work were barred from bidding on it as they had "too much inside knowledge" (aka, they knew what the fuck to do)?
Anyway, time passes, flight comes back, sitting on the plane. Tannoy announcement: "Please note that the entertainment offered today will be the Chicago to Heathrow selection, not the Heathrow to Chicago listing in the on flight magazine." - so it's fucking "Sky Captain" and the same Raymond episodes all over again (Don't you just love that one where his mother makes the sculptor of a cunt?) - it's a good thing us non-citizens don't get to have firearms, let me tell you.
- on the plane out, I watched "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow" - it was the most awful, useless, pointless movie I've seen in a long time. Sure, the design was good and the kinda black and white but not film processing was clever, but nothing else worked. I wanted each and every one of the main characters to die. Whoever greenlighted this crap should be forced to watch four episodes of "Everybody Loves Raymond" back to back.
- so move to the "comedy" channel on the plane - guess what? Four episodes of "Everybody Loves Raymond", back to back. I've only ever flipped past this show in the, err, past and it looked like typical entry level sitcom stuff. It's not. It's awful. Every episode has one "joke" in it (much like a Shakespearean comedy) and a retinue of the same gags told time after time after time --- let me be clear here, everyone does -not- love Raymond.
- you don't get free booze on transatlantic flights anymore? Who fucked that gig up?
- on landing, I start down the A77 from Glasgow to Ayr. This used to be a simple dual carriageway affair that did have issues at rush hour and so on, but overall coped OK. It's about a 40 mile drive. Now, however, it's a 40 mile drive consisting of 60% "road renewal" works, with 40 MPH speed limits. Why? Well, road maintenance was outsourced, so now private companies are handling that task - at a "cost plus" ratio. So now most of the trip is single lane, 40 MPH, with police speed checks at each half mile because the way these "improvements" are being paid for is by over zealous speed ticketing. Oh, and why is it all 40 MPH? Because the labourors who knew what the fuck they were doing were let go, and the new Job Centre/Minimum Wage retards don't know that stepping in front of a moving vehicle is "not a good idea".
They estimate they'll be done with this in 2007. I'm done with them already. Did I point out that the local government bodies who used to carry out this work were barred from bidding on it as they had "too much inside knowledge" (aka, they knew what the fuck to do)?
Anyway, time passes, flight comes back, sitting on the plane. Tannoy announcement: "Please note that the entertainment offered today will be the Chicago to Heathrow selection, not the Heathrow to Chicago listing in the on flight magazine." - so it's fucking "Sky Captain" and the same Raymond episodes all over again (Don't you just love that one where his mother makes the sculptor of a cunt?) - it's a good thing us non-citizens don't get to have firearms, let me tell you.
Tuesday, February 1
OK, now you've made me cry...
I'm doin' this stupid fiorewall setup thing for a local small ass company and we set up part of it today --- it -totally- fucked up. In "post mortem" I find out that while they -are- combining their two "co-location" facilities into one, they are -not- combining their IP addresses (if you are bored at this point, please leave - it doesn't get any more interesting/exciting/anything). Now here's the deal: a basic firewall (such as we're using here) isn't going to "like" being an interface to three different networks --- and even though the hardware we're using can "technically" do this, it's a really bad idea and, oh, it means I need to rebuild the config from scratch. Another two weeks -pissed away-. Me? Happy camper? No...
Sunday, January 16
Idea Gestation
In the UK, public broadcasters have to provide a certain number of hours of childrens, educational, and news programming. As I lay awake last night (god bless insomnia) I was wondering if this could be adapted to the point where a station is making a really awful "Edu-tainment" show, just to fill it's license requirements. Live crew, taped segments - say a typical topic would be "Sand, Gravel, Rock - Seeing the Differences". Deliberately poor, with a mixture of real and fake guests, and a standing cast of three to five people as presenters... I made up around ten segments last night/this morning, and I can remember a few of them now. Worth working on.
Saturday, January 1
Tuesday, December 28
Wednesday, December 22
Closing Time
The local rag reports that the chinese restaurant near by has been closed on numerous health issues --- I feel so good that I ate there a week back... Ick...
Sunday, December 19
Birthday Schmistday
Well, I got one good gift for my birthday and a lot of crap (thanks Lady P for the good one, sorry I didn't notice it sooner - I was very, very drunk). But it's not about the gifts, it's about the love. It could also be about a piss poor meal at an overcrowded Tied House - I've never wanted to be somewhere less. They were totally understaffed and the crap that the wait staff were having to put up with was just icky. Hated it mainly out of sympathy for them.
Pointless little post, no?
Pointless little post, no?
Wednesday, December 15
The routine
So I was trying to come up with a new "piece" for the little stand-up gig, and I (somehow) ended up focusing on Aliester Crowley (sp on both, see what an expert I am?) - back in my youth, I read a lot of stuff about him, and some of his "automatic writings", and read the whole "Golden Dawn System of Magick" - I can now, with hindsight, sat it was all BS.
Crowley though himself to be the great beast, and the end of the world --- not just a simple fuckwit with bad hair. He "discovered" how he could "celebrate the dark gods" via masturbation. He created a tarot deck that was kinda cool, but very much a rip off of the (damn I forget now, must research more) deck. Anyway.
So the comedy idea is "Home for the Holidays, with AC". It involves all the expected puns and cheap jokes - but they all depend upon the aud knowing something about this guy and his sick life. (Did you know he was on the cover of Sgt. Pepper? I did).
A few tests with the online aud didn't go well. No idea who the guy was, couldn't spell "cabbala" to save themselves. Thought "Golden Dawn" was a star of salacious motion pictures. Byork. I've got a full 20 minutes about this byork and I can't use it because my audience is culturally lacking.
OK, so I was thinking I could handle this in one of these ways:
- write it as a play, with parts for mother, father and myself. Give the mother and father parts to members of the aud (Liz and James, most likely) and prompt them when to read a line. Good because it involves the aud, bad because it's difficult and hecklers can't annunciate at all well. Plus complex, I'd have to keep closer track than usual of the dialog.
- write it as a story instead, and send it out for multiple rejection letters (since eds also have no idea who AC is)
- write it as a musical! Err, no, scratch that.
- hand out a little bio beforehand, so people know of which I speech. Seems like a good idea, but in reality no-one would read it.
- do an intro. Give a brief, five minute bio of Crowley - done seriously - before the gag act. Hope that this is enough.
I'm going to go with the last of these, hopefully with a wall-projection of images. My only issue is how do I make sure the aud knows this -is- real, and not made up BS? Still working on that one.
Crowley though himself to be the great beast, and the end of the world --- not just a simple fuckwit with bad hair. He "discovered" how he could "celebrate the dark gods" via masturbation. He created a tarot deck that was kinda cool, but very much a rip off of the (damn I forget now, must research more) deck. Anyway.
So the comedy idea is "Home for the Holidays, with AC". It involves all the expected puns and cheap jokes - but they all depend upon the aud knowing something about this guy and his sick life. (Did you know he was on the cover of Sgt. Pepper? I did).
A few tests with the online aud didn't go well. No idea who the guy was, couldn't spell "cabbala" to save themselves. Thought "Golden Dawn" was a star of salacious motion pictures. Byork. I've got a full 20 minutes about this byork and I can't use it because my audience is culturally lacking.
OK, so I was thinking I could handle this in one of these ways:
- write it as a play, with parts for mother, father and myself. Give the mother and father parts to members of the aud (Liz and James, most likely) and prompt them when to read a line. Good because it involves the aud, bad because it's difficult and hecklers can't annunciate at all well. Plus complex, I'd have to keep closer track than usual of the dialog.
- write it as a story instead, and send it out for multiple rejection letters (since eds also have no idea who AC is)
- write it as a musical! Err, no, scratch that.
- hand out a little bio beforehand, so people know of which I speech. Seems like a good idea, but in reality no-one would read it.
- do an intro. Give a brief, five minute bio of Crowley - done seriously - before the gag act. Hope that this is enough.
I'm going to go with the last of these, hopefully with a wall-projection of images. My only issue is how do I make sure the aud knows this -is- real, and not made up BS? Still working on that one.
Sunday, October 17
What's that you say?
You don't like my idea, but you want a "respin"? OK, I'll do it, if I must...
So here's what we had as a story "arc":
Episode 1: a mix of a bad sitcom with a "behind the scenes" documentary. The "cast" get big laffs on screen (mainly canned), and off screen think that they -are- the show. United, the stand for higher salaries, and writing control. Typically despicable over achieved actors. One wants to write, another to direct, blah blah blah. Try to make they somewhat sympathetic. In our last five minutes we wipe them all out. Deader than dead. In a vile fashion. Ha ha ha ha ha!
Episode 2: aftermath (deliberate play on the wholly awful "After M*A*S*H") --- how this is cast depends upon how we kill them off, I'm a big fan of having a plane crash into the studio, but apparently that's what turned a lot of people off. My idea was to have the crash survivors take over the show. I know it's dumb, a little too much like SOAP, but I think it could work. The show's sponsor demands the show continues. After all, the new publicity is doing so well for ratings on the syndication side... We get a new cast. I'd like to have this cast know, somehow, that they will eventually die too --- not be killed off fictionally, actually die as part of the show. Open casting, use a mix of "real" people and actors. We end up with a new crew selected.
Episode 3: backlash (not a play on anything) Joe Public revolts! They miss the old crew! They want their old friends back! They don't accept that the poor schmucks are dead! A suicide bomber takes out about 2/3rds of the new cast! What do you mean, lose the suicide bomber? That's all that episode 3 is! Can I make it a sniper then (no snipers are allowed in comedy TV). Fuck hollywood, I'll film in India and screw you guys.
Episode 4: rebuilding. The public mourns the deaths of the actors and their personas, firmly locked into disagreement over whether the original series or the second crew were better (can we get some cameos from Star Trek here?) --- rioting breaks out, and peace only is ensued when it turns out that one member of the original staff did survive! But who? Tune in next week! More casting, the casting session is a little like a parody of American Idol, so we get sued. Breaking the "forth wall" our characters plead for money to stave off legal action and ask if people can please try not to kill them. No-one dies in this episode.
Episode 5: relaunch! Our whacky crew get chosen to be part of the first community to live underwater! All take turns holding their breath for "practice"! Dispute in the background by the writers that this is "the dumbest idea ever". We lose a character who holds his breath too long. We say the "f" word. FCC sues show. Break the forth wall again. Explain to the aud what the forth wall is and that we think it should be broken and that we're not, actually, just copying "Moonlighting" - really, we're not. Last ten minutes of show are a condensed version of "Moonlighting". Teaser at end: who survived?
Episode 6: revelation. The original corporate sponsor is linked to the suicide bomber! Shock and awe! The show is cut loose, anchor-less, drifting --- until a christian broadcasting company (CBC!) picks up the funding and the drug-addled, whore-mongering cast members get some new "guidelines" to work from. Pope guest stars and actually converts one of our folks to his side. I want to have the Pope walk in on a scene of implied animal buggery and have a heart attack - but will those network tight asses let me? Oh no! Not -only- no Pope, also no animal abuse. I really wanted this show to end with "The NSPCA monitored all animal participants, and no animal was hurt or abused during the making of this show. Animals were hurt and abused in the making of "Hart to Hart", season three of "Frasier", and most every season of "Happy Days".". I think that's funny shit!
So that's our first "arc" as I had it outlined. We end on the cliffhanger of, with the Pope dead, will CBC renew the show? I know reading this synopsis it "doesn't seem all that funny" --- and to an extent it's not, it's an investigation into what is "funny" and what is "in poor taste". Ideas are welcome but note that they will become -my- ideas and I'll never acknowledge your input ("What, they posted it on a "bulletin board" on the "internets" Conan? I'll tell -you- what I'd put a "bullet in"! Ha ha ha ha ha!").
So here's what we had as a story "arc":
Episode 1: a mix of a bad sitcom with a "behind the scenes" documentary. The "cast" get big laffs on screen (mainly canned), and off screen think that they -are- the show. United, the stand for higher salaries, and writing control. Typically despicable over achieved actors. One wants to write, another to direct, blah blah blah. Try to make they somewhat sympathetic. In our last five minutes we wipe them all out. Deader than dead. In a vile fashion. Ha ha ha ha ha!
Episode 2: aftermath (deliberate play on the wholly awful "After M*A*S*H") --- how this is cast depends upon how we kill them off, I'm a big fan of having a plane crash into the studio, but apparently that's what turned a lot of people off. My idea was to have the crash survivors take over the show. I know it's dumb, a little too much like SOAP, but I think it could work. The show's sponsor demands the show continues. After all, the new publicity is doing so well for ratings on the syndication side... We get a new cast. I'd like to have this cast know, somehow, that they will eventually die too --- not be killed off fictionally, actually die as part of the show. Open casting, use a mix of "real" people and actors. We end up with a new crew selected.
Episode 3: backlash (not a play on anything) Joe Public revolts! They miss the old crew! They want their old friends back! They don't accept that the poor schmucks are dead! A suicide bomber takes out about 2/3rds of the new cast! What do you mean, lose the suicide bomber? That's all that episode 3 is! Can I make it a sniper then (no snipers are allowed in comedy TV). Fuck hollywood, I'll film in India and screw you guys.
Episode 4: rebuilding. The public mourns the deaths of the actors and their personas, firmly locked into disagreement over whether the original series or the second crew were better (can we get some cameos from Star Trek here?) --- rioting breaks out, and peace only is ensued when it turns out that one member of the original staff did survive! But who? Tune in next week! More casting, the casting session is a little like a parody of American Idol, so we get sued. Breaking the "forth wall" our characters plead for money to stave off legal action and ask if people can please try not to kill them. No-one dies in this episode.
Episode 5: relaunch! Our whacky crew get chosen to be part of the first community to live underwater! All take turns holding their breath for "practice"! Dispute in the background by the writers that this is "the dumbest idea ever". We lose a character who holds his breath too long. We say the "f" word. FCC sues show. Break the forth wall again. Explain to the aud what the forth wall is and that we think it should be broken and that we're not, actually, just copying "Moonlighting" - really, we're not. Last ten minutes of show are a condensed version of "Moonlighting". Teaser at end: who survived?
Episode 6: revelation. The original corporate sponsor is linked to the suicide bomber! Shock and awe! The show is cut loose, anchor-less, drifting --- until a christian broadcasting company (CBC!) picks up the funding and the drug-addled, whore-mongering cast members get some new "guidelines" to work from. Pope guest stars and actually converts one of our folks to his side. I want to have the Pope walk in on a scene of implied animal buggery and have a heart attack - but will those network tight asses let me? Oh no! Not -only- no Pope, also no animal abuse. I really wanted this show to end with "The NSPCA monitored all animal participants, and no animal was hurt or abused during the making of this show. Animals were hurt and abused in the making of "Hart to Hart", season three of "Frasier", and most every season of "Happy Days".". I think that's funny shit!
So that's our first "arc" as I had it outlined. We end on the cliffhanger of, with the Pope dead, will CBC renew the show? I know reading this synopsis it "doesn't seem all that funny" --- and to an extent it's not, it's an investigation into what is "funny" and what is "in poor taste". Ideas are welcome but note that they will become -my- ideas and I'll never acknowledge your input ("What, they posted it on a "bulletin board" on the "internets" Conan? I'll tell -you- what I'd put a "bullet in"! Ha ha ha ha ha!").
Sunday, October 10
Over
After some deliberation, I've decided to cut the cord on this (again). I'll leave this online for now, but no updates. Peace out y'all.
Saturday, October 9
Bring on the new
Imagine, if you will, a sit com that's now run for three seasons and is fading fast --- once upbeat and "dangerous" it's now flabby and insipid. The cast want million dollar per episode salaries, their PR folks want to make sure they have a future earning potential. Ladies and gents, our new proposal to hollywood which includes most of the jokes we made up for that deadbeat is "SitCom" - a behind the scenes look at things you didn't want to see.
Pitch it, boyoh!
Pitch it, boyoh!
Sunday, September 19
Moider today in the trailer park...
One of my neighbors went apeshit and plugged another one of my neighbors (a family member). About 1,000 cops appeared within 15 minutes or so. Arrr... Can someone please teach cops how to park so I can still get out of my driveway?
Saturday, September 11
as seen at www.catch.com...
Not being a news junkie (or even a part time news follower, really) the first I heard of the attack was when I got into work that morning. A co-worker who basically cannot speak without trying to make a bad pun made some "joke" about the "crashes on Wall Street". I just couldn't understand wtf he was talking about until I got to my desk and was able to see the coverage.
Our CEO had already sent out a message that, basically, this was not a day to be at work --- so after calling the few people I knew in NY to make sure they were OK I started calling employees and letting them know that coming in to the office was optional, and offering whatever assistance they might need.
My first trip outside the UK was to New York, I met my first wife and we got married there. It's one of the most wonderful cities I've ever seen (yeah, yeah - I've not seen many, shut up). The attacks were shocking, awful, repellent.
That said, I grew up in a country where "terrorist" attacks were common if not quite everyday (hell, I almost had a small role in a movie about the infamous horse guard bombing) - so I don't think I was quite as "How could this ever happen here?" as most folks were. I was somewhat stunned by the immediate need to "strike back" at someone - anyone - as some form of cathartic process.
Watching later the "shock and awe" of Iraq I felt ashamed - a bully who couldn't stand up to his real enemy was instead turning his ire on a defenseless, mostly innocent population.
I didn't lose anyone I knew in the twin towers attack, I didn't lose anyone I knew in Iraq, I didn't know any of the troops we've lost there. I miss them all like a lead weight in my soul.
Our CEO had already sent out a message that, basically, this was not a day to be at work --- so after calling the few people I knew in NY to make sure they were OK I started calling employees and letting them know that coming in to the office was optional, and offering whatever assistance they might need.
My first trip outside the UK was to New York, I met my first wife and we got married there. It's one of the most wonderful cities I've ever seen (yeah, yeah - I've not seen many, shut up). The attacks were shocking, awful, repellent.
That said, I grew up in a country where "terrorist" attacks were common if not quite everyday (hell, I almost had a small role in a movie about the infamous horse guard bombing) - so I don't think I was quite as "How could this ever happen here?" as most folks were. I was somewhat stunned by the immediate need to "strike back" at someone - anyone - as some form of cathartic process.
Watching later the "shock and awe" of Iraq I felt ashamed - a bully who couldn't stand up to his real enemy was instead turning his ire on a defenseless, mostly innocent population.
I didn't lose anyone I knew in the twin towers attack, I didn't lose anyone I knew in Iraq, I didn't know any of the troops we've lost there. I miss them all like a lead weight in my soul.
Wednesday, September 8
Fuck you, Hollywood!
Jeff, the guy who "runs" the Open Mic show I frequent just got back from beautiful downtown Burbank - he'd been shopping our (my) idea for a TV show and returned empty handed.
The basic premise of the show was a writer struggling to come up with a viable idea for a story, which would then be told and break down into a state of collapse. This would allow great flexibility in storyline, cast, and whatever. Plus it could be kinda "Reality" - the "real" writer could be the writer of the show. We'd plotted out three episodes in detail, and had synopsis for another six.
What we got back was:
"Is it reality?" - no, idiot, we're pitching a scripted show. How dumb are you?
"It's too like Seinfeld." - two answers: 1/ it's totally not, 2/ you don't want another Seinfeld?
"Can you do a pilot on spec?" - ha ha ha ha ha!
"Before you pitch, can you sign this saying that if we rip off your idea you won't sue" - who is the fucking comedian here?
Anyway, the new plan: write a few synopsis and some sample character descriptions; maybe a few sketches. I'm thinking we should aim low. Do we still have public access TV?
Alt., when Joey bombs, as it will (you can smell it, can't you?) - I'll go write for them, and turn a turd into the best post-modern comedy ever!
The basic premise of the show was a writer struggling to come up with a viable idea for a story, which would then be told and break down into a state of collapse. This would allow great flexibility in storyline, cast, and whatever. Plus it could be kinda "Reality" - the "real" writer could be the writer of the show. We'd plotted out three episodes in detail, and had synopsis for another six.
What we got back was:
"Is it reality?" - no, idiot, we're pitching a scripted show. How dumb are you?
"It's too like Seinfeld." - two answers: 1/ it's totally not, 2/ you don't want another Seinfeld?
"Can you do a pilot on spec?" - ha ha ha ha ha!
"Before you pitch, can you sign this saying that if we rip off your idea you won't sue" - who is the fucking comedian here?
Anyway, the new plan: write a few synopsis and some sample character descriptions; maybe a few sketches. I'm thinking we should aim low. Do we still have public access TV?
Alt., when Joey bombs, as it will (you can smell it, can't you?) - I'll go write for them, and turn a turd into the best post-modern comedy ever!
Thursday, July 29
Wednesday, July 28
Sunshine (read from the bottom up)... catch us all at www.catch.com.
Dimmer | Jul 28, 04 | 5:25 pm ET
"When I awoke, dear
I was mistaken"
should of course be:
"When I awakened,
I was mistaken".
Dimmer | Jul 28, 04 | 5:24 pm ET
You see the counter-point here? Right? In the chorus there is a plead not to "take my sunshine away", but we already know the sunshine is gone from the opening verse... damn fine writing.
Some asswipes have taken to using:
"You make me happy
When skies are grey"
rather than the original text, and that -totally- fucks up the intent of the line --- even if the sky -is- blue and birds are all singing a twitter and so on it does NOT matter because YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE! Y'see? Don't make me get into a pub brawl about this...
It is ok to drop the second "I" from "So I hung my head and (I) cried" - I'd prefer if you did. Big curly braces.
Dimmer | Jul 28, 04 | 5:19 pm ET
[i]"The other night dear
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
When I awoke, dear
I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are blue
You'll never know dear
How much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away."
Dimmer | Jul 28, 04 | 5:16 pm ET
Comments from the gallery on: 11 songs for which it took me a long time to figure out what they actually meant. in no particular order.
11. the police, "every breath you take." when i was a kid my friends and i thought this was such a sweet song. um, yeah, sweet sweet stalker man. right.
It's about oppression man - it's about stopping dictators from taking people and killing them. George got really PO'd when it got licensed to some deodorant company as an ad jingle. (I've never much liked the group, and his politics are sometimes a little too muddled, but I respect the desire to speak out in whatever way you can re. oppression. Go take a look at Amnesty International, sign up, write letters).
10. "you are my sunshine." man, when you listen to the full version, that is a really upsetting song.
Whenever my friend Roy and I got really fucked up drunk in college, we'd wander the streets of Paisley caterwailing this --- it is one of the saddest songs ever, and we just made it worse.
1. "darling clementine." why do people make little kids sing songs about a woman who's committed suicide? sheesh, that's fucked up.
Yeah, I mean, come on...
limechip | Jul 28, 04 | 5:08 pm ET
11 songs for which it took me a long time to figure out what they actually meant. in no particular order.
11. the police, "every breath you take." when i was a kid my friends and i thought this was such a sweet song. um, yeah, sweet sweet stalker man. right.
10. "you are my sunshine." man, when you listen to the full version, that is a really upsetting song.
9. U2, "the sweetest thing." the first few times i heard this i thought it was, well, sweet. then i listened to the words. i really don't understand how people use this as their wedding tune.
8. bruce springsteen, "born in the USA." i was in college when i listened to the words and figured out it wasn't a patriotic cheerleading for the USA. thus i was completely befuddled when, post-9/11, i heard that song EVERYWHERE. i guess people thought "you end up like a dog that's been beat too much till you spend half your life just covering up" was a good thing?
7. madonna, "papa don't preach." my sister and i used to fight over who would get to wear the outfit madonna had on in the video, a black bustier and black capri pants. considering we were 6 and 8 at the time, it was kind of a pointless conversation. then when i was 14 or so, the good ppl at VH1 let me in on the whole abortion thing.
6. rem, "losing my religion." no wait, i still don't know what that song's about.
5. simon and garfunkel, "mrs. robinson." i always thought this song was about a hooker. turns out it's about a religious cult.
4. rem, "orange crush." i thought it was a song about soda. in my defense i was only 10.
3. bob dylan, "rainy day women." i was always saying, no, wait, it's not about drugs, it's about rejection and suffering and the inevitability of love going horribly wrong. no, it turns out that "rainy day woman" is 60's slang for pot, and it really is about drugs.
2. u2, "in the name of love." that song is about martin luther king jr.? for real?
1. "darling clementine." why do people make little kids sing songs about a woman who's committed suicide? sheesh, that's fucked up.
"When I awoke, dear
I was mistaken"
should of course be:
"When I awakened,
I was mistaken".
Dimmer | Jul 28, 04 | 5:24 pm ET
You see the counter-point here? Right? In the chorus there is a plead not to "take my sunshine away", but we already know the sunshine is gone from the opening verse... damn fine writing.
Some asswipes have taken to using:
"You make me happy
When skies are grey"
rather than the original text, and that -totally- fucks up the intent of the line --- even if the sky -is- blue and birds are all singing a twitter and so on it does NOT matter because YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE! Y'see? Don't make me get into a pub brawl about this...
It is ok to drop the second "I" from "So I hung my head and (I) cried" - I'd prefer if you did. Big curly braces.
Dimmer | Jul 28, 04 | 5:19 pm ET
[i]"The other night dear
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
When I awoke, dear
I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
When skies are blue
You'll never know dear
How much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away."
Dimmer | Jul 28, 04 | 5:16 pm ET
Comments from the gallery on: 11 songs for which it took me a long time to figure out what they actually meant. in no particular order.
11. the police, "every breath you take." when i was a kid my friends and i thought this was such a sweet song. um, yeah, sweet sweet stalker man. right.
It's about oppression man - it's about stopping dictators from taking people and killing them. George got really PO'd when it got licensed to some deodorant company as an ad jingle. (I've never much liked the group, and his politics are sometimes a little too muddled, but I respect the desire to speak out in whatever way you can re. oppression. Go take a look at Amnesty International, sign up, write letters).
10. "you are my sunshine." man, when you listen to the full version, that is a really upsetting song.
Whenever my friend Roy and I got really fucked up drunk in college, we'd wander the streets of Paisley caterwailing this --- it is one of the saddest songs ever, and we just made it worse.
1. "darling clementine." why do people make little kids sing songs about a woman who's committed suicide? sheesh, that's fucked up.
Yeah, I mean, come on...
limechip | Jul 28, 04 | 5:08 pm ET
11 songs for which it took me a long time to figure out what they actually meant. in no particular order.
11. the police, "every breath you take." when i was a kid my friends and i thought this was such a sweet song. um, yeah, sweet sweet stalker man. right.
10. "you are my sunshine." man, when you listen to the full version, that is a really upsetting song.
9. U2, "the sweetest thing." the first few times i heard this i thought it was, well, sweet. then i listened to the words. i really don't understand how people use this as their wedding tune.
8. bruce springsteen, "born in the USA." i was in college when i listened to the words and figured out it wasn't a patriotic cheerleading for the USA. thus i was completely befuddled when, post-9/11, i heard that song EVERYWHERE. i guess people thought "you end up like a dog that's been beat too much till you spend half your life just covering up" was a good thing?
7. madonna, "papa don't preach." my sister and i used to fight over who would get to wear the outfit madonna had on in the video, a black bustier and black capri pants. considering we were 6 and 8 at the time, it was kind of a pointless conversation. then when i was 14 or so, the good ppl at VH1 let me in on the whole abortion thing.
6. rem, "losing my religion." no wait, i still don't know what that song's about.
5. simon and garfunkel, "mrs. robinson." i always thought this song was about a hooker. turns out it's about a religious cult.
4. rem, "orange crush." i thought it was a song about soda. in my defense i was only 10.
3. bob dylan, "rainy day women." i was always saying, no, wait, it's not about drugs, it's about rejection and suffering and the inevitability of love going horribly wrong. no, it turns out that "rainy day woman" is 60's slang for pot, and it really is about drugs.
2. u2, "in the name of love." that song is about martin luther king jr.? for real?
1. "darling clementine." why do people make little kids sing songs about a woman who's committed suicide? sheesh, that's fucked up.
Dang
So, anyway, my back was giving me some bother this morning, and it got worse as the day went on. "Fuck what is wrong with my back?" I wondered, but not aloud as there's no-one else here to hear me say it. Then I noticed that my left fist (the up-cutter) was a tad twingy as well. This made no sense.
So I called my drinkin' buddy from last night, and I now know:
- he kicked me "against" a fence --- note not "through" a fence, just against it. That it collapsed under my momentum is apparently a matter for me the the property owner to discuss.
- the big fucking huge guard dog that was -behind- said fence cannot put up a good defense against south-paw and pants crapping Dave. I hope I only frightened it (as it did me).
- Wendy, the hot looking barmaid, totally needs to keep stopping to keep her hands off me - at least while her husband is out of town...
Next week: I go to the Hoover Dam and say cuss words...
So I called my drinkin' buddy from last night, and I now know:
- he kicked me "against" a fence --- note not "through" a fence, just against it. That it collapsed under my momentum is apparently a matter for me the the property owner to discuss.
- the big fucking huge guard dog that was -behind- said fence cannot put up a good defense against south-paw and pants crapping Dave. I hope I only frightened it (as it did me).
- Wendy, the hot looking barmaid, totally needs to keep stopping to keep her hands off me - at least while her husband is out of town...
Next week: I go to the Hoover Dam and say cuss words...
Thursday, July 22
Quiz
I'm a generally unfuckwitted, liberal, not-too-generous, not-too-selfish, seizure-inducingly boring spod!
What are you?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
What are you?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey
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